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Mathematical Equation to Child Safety


Child safety is one of the many concerns that parents have. It concerns me, so I’m pretty sure it concerns you. So after many hours of research and testing….EUREKA!!! I finally came across the formula that ensures a child’s safety. It may not be 100% but it’s freaking close. You are going to want to break out the pen and paper for this one. Well you might be able to just print this out. Or maybe you can save it to your smart phone. You know what I’ll leave the logistics to you. Back to the formula…I came up with an equation that might just rival Einstein. Pay attention:
YOUR EYES + COMMON SENSE = SAFE CHILD (Patent Pending). Let me explain.

You were born with one of the greatest tools in your parental tool belt….your eyes. It’s magical. When you focus your eyes on a certain spot you can SEE IT. It’s great. So imagine being able to look at your child and SEE what they are doing, what they are playing with, what they are about to put in their mouth, what they are about to torch…etc. Those are what your eyes are for. Doesn’t that sound great? Well, just wait…there’s more.

You can’t fully utilize your eyes without adding some common sense into the mix.  Common sense is that voice inside you that says “If my baby touches the flame she will get burned”…”If I jump off the roof I will get hurt” (Unless you’re a ninja) Let me give you an example. Good little Billy is playing with his great plastic toy. I use “Billy” because it’s a pretty unicultural. “Unicultural” not a word? Maybe I made it up. Stop questioning my knowledgeness. Back to Billy….so this little 3 year old is playing with his dull plastic toy. All the while, you are sitting on the couch playing Words with Friends on your nifty iPhone. Little rambunctious Billy comes across your collection of replica Lord of the Rings swords. He decides “hmmm those swords look better than this crappy plastic toy”. In order to put this into better perspective I have illustrated our situation:

I’m not the greatest artist so excuse the crudeness. Any Lifetime movie would teach you that this is not the greatest situation. Your kid is wheeling a Lord of the Rings sword as tall as him, thinking “I’m about to slice this Hobbit bastard and his friends…my PRECIOUS!” Mean while YOU are playing a great game on your phone thinking “I’m about to get a triple letter score…HELL YEAH!” (Never played Words with Friends so not sure if it’s accurate) Now, my humble blog readers, you can see the problem. Common sense would have taught you that either:  1. I shouldn’t have these great movie replicas accessible to my 3 year old 2. I should probably be watching my child to prevent the inevitable slicing.

You might be thinking…”but what about my ears? My ears can hear pretty well.” I like your spunk. You’re going in the right direction but here’s where your eyes have the advantage. Using your ears implies that you’re relying on Sound to know what your child is doing. It also implies that you’re not in a place to SEE your child.  As any parent would tell you….when your child isn’t making some sort of noise, it probably ain’t good. It’s when they are silent that they are doing something bad. Their like spies or ninjas in that way.

Now okay, I’m realistic. I know you can’t physically watch your children ALL the time. I also realize that accidents do happen. This equation just brings the chances of accidents down considerably. Be mindful of your child. Watch them or at least have them in an area that is safe. When you are looking for a place to put your old 32 inch TV…the rickety, old, falling, apart, unstable side-table might not be the best place. Trust me, utilize the equation. I didn’t work my butt off…researching, testing, using beakers and test tubes…just so you can ignore this great advice. Remember it…
Didn’t think I was a mathematician, did you?


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